Can’t fly back for the funeral in Hong Kong? What you can still do from abroad

You are not the first person who could not get back

Chinese has a word for rushing home when a family member dies: 奔喪 (ban song), literally “hurrying to the mourning”. The Book of Rites (禮記), one of the Confucian classics on ritual, has a whole chapter by that name.

And in that chapter is a line about exactly the person who cannot make the journey:

Read plainly: you hear the news, you grieve, you find out what happened, and then you set up a place to mourn where you are.

The passage goes on to list ancient mourning gestures that nobody performs today, and we are not suggesting you do. We have also not gone through the traditional commentaries; this is a plain reading of the text.

What we want you to notice is that the people who wrote the rules expected some mourners not to make it back. The text does not scold that person. It tells them what to do where they are.

The same chapter adds that if you only arrive after the mourning period, you go to the grave. Going to pay respects later, when you are next in Hong Kong, is part of the record too.

Six things you can still do from abroad

These six are in no particular order, and nobody needs to do all of them. Pick the ones that are possible for you.

Will the funeral be streamed? Ask the family

One Hong Kong funeral service’s website says a modern obituary notice (訃聞, the notice that tells people when and where the funeral is) can include a QR code, a map link or a livestream (Treeo Life, “obituary notice” guide, in Chinese; a funeral business, so treat it as a reference only; checked 26 September 2026).

So some funerals are streamed, and some are not. We could not find any government or industry-wide statement on it, so we will not tell you to expect one.

The simplest step is to look at the notice for a link or QR code, and if there is none, ask the family.

No stream, and you would like a relative at the service to video-call you? Ask the family first. Other mourners will be there, and not everyone wants to be on camera.

Mind the time difference. Times on the notice are Hong Kong time (UTC+8): 10 am in Hong Kong is 7 pm the evening before in Vancouver and 3 am in London (both on summer time; an hour earlier again once the clocks go back).

Through someone who is there: condolence money, flowers, a few words

Condolence money (帛金, baak gam)

At a Hong Kong Chinese funeral, guests may give the bereaved family a sum of cash as a gesture of sympathy. It is called 帛金.

First, check whether the family accepts it. A Hong Kong funeral florist’s guide says some families accept it and some do not, and that it is best to follow the notice or find out beforehand (香港帛事花店, funeral etiquette guide, in Chinese; reference only).

On the amount, the funeral service afterLIFE writes that there is no fixed going rate, and that what matters is giving what feels right and what you can afford.

afterLIFE says the amount should end in 1 (an odd number), such as HK$101 or HK$201, explaining that this stands for the funeral happening only “once” (afterLIFE, “6 things to know when attending a funeral”, in Chinese; a funeral business, reference only). This is one funeral company’s advice; families differ.

From abroad, you can ask a relative who is going to hand it in for you, or simply ask the family what is easiest. Bank transfers, currency: one message sorts it out, and there is no need to guess.

Flowers

The same afterLIFE page mentions guests sending condolence money and wreaths as ways of paying respects.

If you would like to send flowers, first check whether the notice says 懇辭花圈, meaning the family respectfully declines wreaths; the Treeo Life obituary guide lists it as a common note on notices. If it does not, ask a relative, or ask the family or the funeral parlour how it is usually arranged.

A few words from you

Write down what you want to say to them, or a letter, and send it to the family.

Whether and how it is used at the service is for the family and whoever leads the service to decide. Even if it is never read aloud, you wrote it, and that is your farewell.

Where you are: a photo, and a place to stand

The Book of Rites speaks of “setting up a place” where you are: a place to mourn. (The same chapter also says 凡為位不奠: no offerings are laid out at such a place.)

Today some people put out a photo and a cup of tea. That is a present-day practice, not something the Book of Rites says. It can be very simple, incense or no incense.

If you want to be in step with Hong Kong, do it at the hour of the funeral. If the time difference makes that impossible, choose a time that works for you. It still counts.

If you have a faith that does not use incense: afterLIFE notes that Christian or Catholic relatives at a funeral “can pray silently in place of the Chinese three bows and offering of incense” (our translation). At home, too, you can do it your own way.

For the practical details we have a separate page, so we will not repeat them here: Ancestor worship at home, without an altar.

Around and after the funeral: an online memorial, the first seven, Qingming

A funeral is one day. Saying goodbye to someone takes longer than that.

• Online memorial. Hong Kong’s Food and Environmental Hygiene Department (FEHD) runs a free Internet Memorial Service, where you can write about the person’s life and upload photos and videos, and friends can leave messages. It covers nine situations, including people cremated at public crematoria; see the site for the full conditions (checked 26 September 2026).
• The first seven, the hundred days, the first year. Some families mark these. The first seven is counted from the death, so depending on when the funeral is held, it may come before it. What they are and how they are counted: The 49 days, the 100 days, and the first year.
• The first Qingming. The first Qingming after a death.
• The death anniversary. What do you do on a Chinese death anniversary?
• When you are next in Hong Kong. Visiting the grave or the niche echoes the “go to the grave” in the Book of Rites. If the family is still deciding about the ashes, see Cremation in Hong Kong.

Missing the funeral does not mean there is no place for you afterwards.

Having an offering burned: one option, not a requirement

To be clear about what we are. We are a joss paper shop (joss paper is the paper money and paper goods burned as offerings to the dead), and we burn offering packets in Hong Kong on customers’ behalf. We do not run funerals, we do not stream or film anything, and we do not attend funerals on anyone’s behalf.

We take orders during the mourning period as usual. Whether to burn anything, and when, is for you and your family to decide. We will not tell you that you should.

Whether there are particular customs about burning offerings during the mourning period is something we have not yet confirmed with the shop, so we will not say. The elders in your family, or whoever is leading the funeral rites, will know better than we do.